My Day TODAY!!! 12/12/2008

Today was not such a real good day. Everything started from the moment I woke up. I woke up at noon and when I moved myself to the refrigerator (by moving myself to the refrigerator I mean turning myself to the other side in my bed, I have a mini refrigerator installed directly next to my bed) I discovered that it was empty. So empty means NO alcohol. And that is not good. Because normally, if I should be in a sober state for more than 0.1 seconds I level up to a very high level of craziness. And that level of craziness is a bit to high on this moment to fully control (I even take a crap in the right corner of my room then and that’s normally only for pissing). So I knew I needed to be quick but when I thought that, those 0.1 seconds were over already… I stood up and ran outside, fully naked, to the road where the free cars are. Those roads are everywhere, so that makes it very easy. I saw one car slowing down so I just ran towards that car because it would be set free any moment and I would help the car setting free. I ran towards the door of the car and when the man came out of the car I crushed his skull against the roof of the car. Then I apologized to the car for damaging its color. It took my apology and when I got in I just put my foot down on the pedal. After circling in a donut for 12 minutes I realized it was a car with cruise control. So I put the cruise control off. I hated it that the owner of the car didn’t warn me about this because I was already at a very high level and it increases in time, and 12 minutes is a lot of time. So I took all my frustration and put it in a metal box called; His Car. I drove over the owner with the crushed skull and yelled that he could have warned me about the cruise control. He didn’t answer and I am always learned that when people don’t answer they simply agree. So I knew he agreed on me and I decided to not waste any more time and drive like a crazy fuck, like I actually am, to the mall. I pushed the pedal down and after driving for a few minutes I saw the mall. I saw the parking and I saw a nice spot. I just pushed the pedal all the way down and closed my eyes. I felt lucky. So after hearing a big bang I opened my eyes. I saw a wall in front of me and it was so dark. So I opened up the door of the car and stepped out. I actually fell down for 2 seconds before my foot touched the ground. I thought that was very strange so I turned myself to the car and took this picture. After that I bought a lot of alcohol and things were better, and then you say don’t drink and drive… You see what happens when you don’t drink while/before driving?

My Day TODAY!!!05/12/2008

Today was a very nice day. I woke up around noon & after I got out of my bed, approximately 5 hours later, I went to my refrigerator to get something to drink. I poured some light alcohol substance, also called Pure Vodka, in my mouth and I went back to my bedroom upstairs. When I arrived in that room I went to the right corner of it and I took my daily morning piss over there. When I looked out of my window, while pissing, I knew something good would happen this very day. The sky was blue and the grass was green so it surely would be a very unique day. Off course the UFO behind my neighbor’s house attracted some of my attention to, but that’s not why I knew it was going to be such a day full of joy & happiness. The sky was blue and the grass was green, and THAT’S why I knew it was going to be such a good day. You need to learn the signs of nature to know that, and I am one with the nature. When I take a shit on a seed from any plant, then there will grow a big plant out of that pile of shit. That proves that nature needs me to shit everywhere so that plants can grow. So I can say that I am one with nature yes, so when u think there isn’t anything abnormal about the sky being blue and grass being green then  you just aren’t one with nature Sir/Madam, I am truly sorry for that. Maybe you should stop shitting in people’s gardens because you aren’t one with nature and then it’s a crime to do such stuff. Just a little advice I want to give you, don’t get so mad now… Okay let’s continue my story now. After realizing what a great day it would be I dressed myself up and went outside. I took 16 steps from my house and started to feel hungry. I could go those 16 steps back and cook something in my house but man, 16 steps, that’s a long walk. So I started to think for a solution. Then all of a sudden I saw smoke coming out of my neighbor’s chimney so I knew he was cooking something. And his house was only 15 and a half step away from where I stood. That was already a lot closer then my house so I started to walk to his door. When I arrived at his door I saw it was open. So I just walked right in to the kitchen area. When I arrived there I saw some aliens around the table, ready to eat my neighbor. I immediately took this picture and asked if I could join them. They were all happy to see me; it’s been so long already dearest family since I have seen you. 

My Day TODAY!!! 23/11/2008

Something weird happened last week to me. I was minding my business at home when all off a sudden a voice in my head told me it was going to be a very wise day full of true knowledge. I thought that sounded very important & decided to wear my best clothes for that. So I changed my clothes and put on my black pants (it’s actually a blue pants but I painted it black so it means a lot to me, and my black jacket with mustard stain on. That mustard stain brings back a lot of memories. Then I went to my bathroom and styled my hair with Super Glue 3000 (I wanted to be sure it stayed up). All of a sudden I felt a itching feeling under my nose but when I tried to lower down my arms I discovered that my hands were glued to my head. That was not very good, so I didn’t hesitate long and ran to my neighbor’s house. When I arrived there I started to kick on his door and after 5 kicks he opened up. The 6 one was in his stomach. I said I didn’t do it on purpose but that it was a matter of bad timing only. After that I told him my problem and he saw no other solution then cutting it all off. So he did that and I think he actually enjoyed cutting my hair off. But what I think doesn’t matter, if the voice should tell me something like that I would kill him because the voice is always right, but these were own thoughts so I didn’t pay any attention to them. After the haircut I went back outside. It was cold with a naked head. Then I looked up to the sky and all of a sudden they opened up revealing space. There wasn’t any blue anymore, only blackness. Then all of a sudden a green laser pointed his aim onto me. I found this very weird because normally when the sky opens up and a laser beam points at me the laser beam is yellow. And now it was green, so that was very weird. Then all off a sudden I got sucked into space and everything became black. Then all of a sudden I opened my eyes and I found myself sitting on a rock on a planet with only sand. I thought I was sitting in some kind of portal. Then I saw the “Him” next to me. Shaped like a human but with a big thing on his head so you couldn’t see it. He started to tell many stories that I liked to hear, like how the universe was created, what point of life is and many other things. He used the black space as a blackboard and while he told his stories he draw everything into space (like u can see in the picture; on that moment he was explaining how the universe was created). All off a sudden he told me to go back home because he ran out of Holy Magical Ink. I asked him if I could ask one more question but he told me he needed that Ink to draw everything out in space, without it I wouldn’t understand him. That also was why the portal was needed, that was his instrument to draw into space. I thought that was a lame excuses and when I wanted to tell him that I suddenly woke up naked into a field onto earth.  I didn’t tell anyone about it, but I got this picture in the mail today as a postcard. It was signed by J. Christ.

My Day TODAY!!! 16/11/2008

I met a new friend today. I was walking down the streets, doing my normal thing (adjusting my antenna on my head so that I would keep in full contact of my alienated home in the sky’s; some people don’t understand how important that is), when all of a sudden I walked by a house with a front yard. The yard was not a nice yard so I got on my knees in front of the yard and prayed to God to create a miracle and make the yard beautiful. While I was doing that some kind of bird, an ostrich I think, came running towards me and stopped at the fence of the yard. All of a sudden it started talking to me. I first didn’t knew that it was an ostrich because I was praying with my eyes closed, but when he all of a sudden said that I was his savior I just needed to open my eyes. Then I saw the ostrich. Yes, an ostrich. So like you can see it was an ostrich and yeah well … I just turned my back to him and prepared myself for taking off. Then all of a sudden the voice in my head told me that I needed to listen to the ones who needed me. I always listen to that voice, or the other ones, so I turned myself back around and asked its name. He told me his name was Bravitsjoska Ostrich. He told me he came here in 2007 from Russia with his human family. He also told me that his human family sometimes fucked him in the ass. He also told me they were planning a murder on him next year around Thanksgiving & that that was the thing that prevented him for reaching his dream. I actually didn’t really give a fuck & when I wanted to turn myself around to walk on towards any other place without a ostrich named Bravitsjoska, the voice in my head told me that it was very important to listen to the ones that are in need. Very important. So once again I turned myself around to hear the chicken, excuse me, ostrich out. I asked what his dream was then. All off a sudden he started rapping the song mockingbird from Eminem and when the song finished he yells “Hell Yeah!” for three times. I took this picture after he yelled “Hell Yeah” for the last time.(like you can see God also listend to my praying and made the garden much more beautifuler with a lake and much grass...)I am now making music for that bird. That bird is going to earn me a lot of money. Thank you voice in my head for helping me.

My Day TODAY!!! 11/11/2008

Today I was walking down the forest in my town. It is a nice forest with a lot of trees and bushes. And like every good forest has, this forest also had some squirrels. I love squirrels. I love them because they love to eat nuts and I like to eat nuts to. So we share the same interests so I love them. Squirrels are cool!!! So I threw a stone to the heads of 3 squirrels and barbequed them. They taste very nutty, and I love nuts so I love squirrels!!!! When I was barbequing them a mister with a hat on and shorts came to me claiming he was the boss of the forest. He said that I couldn’t start a fire in the middle of the forest because it was dangerous. That stupid man actually really thought he owned the forest. Silly boy, the aliens own the forests on the world, so u don’t have anything to say Mister I-look-like-an-ass!!! So after I poked him with my barbeque poke he gave up complaining and kept laying down on the ground. I told him I was putting the fire out. I didn’t do that, but that didn’t matter because I actually poked both his eyes out and well… what u can’t see, u can’t sue! It all went good but all of a sudden the man got up and took a device with no wires and started to yell in it that he needed police officers to come to the place where I was barbequing. I kicked the man in his nuts and went on home. I don’t like those people with those devices. On my way home I saw a funny man taking pictures of a horse. The man was so funny so I took a picture of him while he was telling the horse to stand on his nose and pointing at which part of the nose he should balance on. Offcource the horse never did that, but the man kept on trying. Eventually I went home. And then they say that I am crazy…

My Day TODAY!!! 09/11/2008

Today was a happy day. I woke up at 4 o clock after noon and when I took a piss in the right corner of my room (the other ones are for the big message ;)) I already knew it would be such a happy day. When I am standing in that right corner I can look out of my window at the big road that is in front of my house. So when I looked out of the window while pissing I saw a big package delivery guy coming towards my house. I don’t like people that aren’t invited to come so close to my house so I stopped pissing and took my paintball gun.  I looked out of my window with the paintball gun out of visibility for the dude and yelled: “Who the fuck are u!!!”. The dude became very angry and started to yell back that I needed to come down immediately. He yelled that he needed to deliver me a package. When I looked that he was holding a small box in his hand I knew the mafia was behind this. So I pulled my paintball gun up and started to shoot the mutha fucker. No bomb for me!!! He dropped the package and ran away. Then I started shooting at the package from the inside of my home. I don’t need to worry for the impact of the bomb when I am inside my home because I have walls that are made out of stones. Yes I have a very luxurious home. Very up-to-date. When I shot a few times at it I saw the package didn’t explode so I went downstairs to go outside to get the package. When I picked it up I immediately saw that it hadn’t anything to do with the mafia. I hate those people who don’t answer my questions, I asked him who he was, he didn’t answer, told me got a package the size of a bomb, what does a man needs to think then? So legally I am good if U should wonder. I saw it was the game that I ordered a few weeks ago on an internet site.  Included is the picture of the game. I waited a long time for this game and I was glad I finally got it. A real Happy Day.

My Day TODAY!!! 08/11/2008

I went to a Mc Donald’s last week. I love Mc Donald’s and because the fact that I am such a great fan of it I really needed to go that particular day to that particular Mc Donald’s . I heard that the real Ronald Mc Donald himself would be there that day to give autographs. So I needed to be there to see the great Ronald Mc Donald myself. When I arrived I saw him sitting in a corner with some children. I pushed all the children away, threw some of them out of the windows and when I wanted to bust the head open from another one that stood in my way Mister Ronald Mc Donald himself pushed the boy away to come closer to me. I am sure that he knew from the first moment he saw me (this was very difficult with all the children in the beginning) that he needed to talk to me. When he stood in front of me he wanted to say something but I saw his hair was fake. This was not the real Ronald Mc Donald!!!! I couldn’t stay calm out of respect for the Real Ronald, so I punched him on his nose immediately. I hated that imposter that was picking up the entire honor that the Real Ronald should get. On that point the stupid clown hit me on the face and then the manager came in. He fired the clown immediately because he only saw him hitting me. So when he saw me with a blue eye and all the children almost dead the manager thought that the clown did it. I always thought it was an imposter but when I saw this guy on the streets today I think it could have been the real one… Maybe that hair was real… Yeah well he could have told me he was the real one. How stupid are u when u don’t wear a name tag! Goddamn, those people today…